Why, It's A Tortoise Standing On Another Tortoise's Head [funny pic]

At first, I titled this as a turtle standing on another turtle's head but then realized this beast is probably a tortoise.  You tell me, what are the differences between the two?

Is Basil Marceaux The Next Governor of Tennessee?

It's not very often you get to see some honest to goodness comedy gold on the local news station but Channel 4 in Nashville, Tennessee did just that when they decided to let Basil Marceaux, a candidate for governor in Tennessee, speak live on the air.  Now, we've seen some idiocy before from Tennessee politicians but that was more enraging than funny.  I really shouldn't do posts on politics because it usually bores people but I promise this video will deliver.

I've done you all the favor of providing a transcript of Mr. Marceaux's YouTube video so feel free to read along if you can't understand wtf he's saying.  There are a couple phrases I couldn't understand, even after watching a few times so if anyone could help translate, that would be awesome.

I'm  Basil Marceaux dot com your Republican candidate for governor.  I'd like to recall all permit and registration for guns.  Everyone can carry guns, if you kill someone though, you get murdered, you go to jail.  I'd like to put plant grass or vegetation across the state where any vacant lot and sell it for gas(?) so we can use it for our expenses. Also, I'm going to remove all _______ flags from the state and fly a real flag with three stripes.  I also want to stop traffic stops.  Set it up like the Supreme Court ruling in the Knowles vs Iowa. Can't find an innocent car, you can't look.  I want y'alls to vote for Basil Marceaux.  I want you to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the republic in the morning, when you come out.  And we all pray to God and say amen.  Everyone have a nice day and I'll see y'all at the polls.  Thank you, have a nice day.

As much as a Yankee girl like me likes to make fun of The South, The Volunteer State can't be stupid enough to give this man more than a hundred or so votes--and those would be 'just for fun' vote-sies anyway.  I'll go on record now and say that if Basil Marceaux wins the Tennessee Republican Gubernatorial Primary, I'll eat my shoe (black Chuck Taylor). Prove me wrong, Basil!

13 Beers in 13 Miles: Man Runs SF Half Marathon & Drinks Beer For Every Mile [wtf]

free-beerOkay, this story is so weird I had to classify it as WTF?   So a blogger who writes about getting drunk while exercising decided to test his limits this past week and get completely hammered while running the San Francisco Half Marathon--that's 13.1 miles if you didn't know it.  It seems ridiculous to even think of doing something this stupid but as we all know, there are all kinds of people out there.

He outlines his game plan on his blog:

So I bought three beers at a time, and poured each 12-ounce bottle or can into a 36-ounce water jug. Holding the jug while I run, I can keep that fucker pretty steady — far more so than water bottles strapped on to my belt.
I studied the course map in detail to plot each beer stop, which is critical because miles 5-10 are on the Golden Gate Bridge and its on-ramps. Christ fucking knows there’s no liquor stores on that bridge.

Before attempting this stupid feat, people told him there was no way he'd survive let alone finish.  He proved them wrong, finishing in 5 hours but not before vomiting three times and blacking out during the eleventh and twelfth miles.  As amazingly idiotic as this stunt was, I have to say that I'm impressed.

You can read his entire story here: http://exercisingwhileintoxicated.wordpress.com/

Taylor Swift & Her Stupid Birthday Card [stupid people]

Taylor Swift's annoyingly dumb greeting card

This is a Taylor Swift birthday card you can buy at your local drugstore.

"Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified but you jump anyway"
-Taylor Swift

Okay Taylor, I thought I might give you the benefit of the doubt so I looked up 'fearless' in the Webster's Dictionary.  You wanna know what I found?  It says that fearless means exactly what every other English speaking person thinks it does; free from fear.

You know what terrified but still jumping is?  It's called being scared shitless not fearless.  It doesn't matter though because all your little fanboys/fangirls will buy this stuff no matter what the words say.